And they would not depart from it

3 Nephi 6

I've been thinking a LOT about this little precious person in my life...

 Wang Pei Yu.
Here she is at her baptism. She invited all her non-member friends.

Love, love, love her. Yep, yep, yep I do....to PIECES.

She is an amazing person that I met and taught while serving a mission in Taiwan. She was hesitant to join the church. Until she really knew of its truthfulness. Then there was no turning back. I won't forget the day she said "Yes" to baptism. It was the most spiritual experience I've ever had. The most powerful direct answer to prayer that I've ever witnessed.

I keep in touch with Pei Yu (she also goes by Catherine). She is now married and is expecting her first child. Married in the temple, that is. To an amazing man.

And I wonder what life would have been like for her without this gospel.
And I realize how poignant her joining the church was.
And I feel ever grateful to have been a witness to her conversion miracle.

This verse sums up how Pei Yu is...and continues to be.

"...and (she was) converted unto the true faith; and (she) would not depart from it, for (she was) firm, and steadfast, and immovable, willing with all diligence to keep the commandments of the Lord".
-3 Nephi 6: 14

She makes me ever grateful for the simple phrase..."not departing from it".
Does she even know how much SHE is teaching me now as I struggle to remain faithful and strive to keep my covenants? Does she even realize how much she has blessed my life?

Love her.

Steadfast

This past Sunday my friend Keri gave the Relief Society lesson on Faith, and how faith is intimately connected to character.

I can't stop thinking about what that means to me.

Throughout her whole lesson I kept thinking about that phrase that goes something like, "Character is what shows through when no one else is watching".

Like...what happens to my goals when I'm not trying to do them for other people...do I still work just as hard...do I still give 100%? And when coupled with my faith...do I live righteous and believe when I'm not trying to prepare a talk, or lesson, or prepare or share something else? Am I showing true character of faith just in my daily living...on my own?

This chapter had a verse that totally related to this. Vs. 8.

"But behold, they did watch steadfastly for that day and that night and that day which should be as one day as if there were no night, that they might know that their faith had not been vain".

I've been thinking about that word. Steadfastly. And what that means to me and how it relates to faith and character.

Steadfast: Constant; true; resolute; loyal; faithful; staunch; firmly fixed in place; not subject to change; firm in belief, adherence, & determination.

I want to be 'firmly fixed in place, firm in belief, adherence, & determination' in my faith. I want to make changes in my life so that I live more day to day with true character that is 'not subject to change'.

I'm so grateful for this tidbit that I learned today by reading the scriptures and likening them to myself.

Change

President James E. Faust
The Power to Change
(President Faust prepared this article in the months before his passing on August 10, 2007)


I couldn't get enough of this article.
Lately I've been addicted to President Faust.
He is my most favorite apostle of all time.

I loved his tenderness.
His shaky emotional voice.
His sweet words that always comforted me so.

I miss him so much.

This talk meant a lot to me because I am going through a true refiner's fire right now.
Trying to be better.
Trying to live better.
Trying to feel better.

It's totally what I needed.

Here are some highlights of his talk...parts that caught my heart's attention the most:

"We can decide to do better and to be better".

"We are in this life for the spirit to gain control over the body rather than the other way around".

"We begin by making a decision to change".

"We must desire with all our hearts, minds, and strength to overcome (these) harmful addictions".

"Each new day that dawns can be a new day for us to begin to change. We can change our environment. We can change our lives by substituting new habits for old. We can mold our character and future by purer thoughts and nobler actions. As someone once put it, “The possibility of change is always there, with its hidden promise of peace, happiness, and a better way of life".

Notwithstanding, and nevertheless

Helaman 16

"And angles did appear unto men...Nevertheless, the people began to harden their hearts..." (v. 14-15)

"And notwithstanding the signs and the wonders...Satan did get great hold upon the hearts of the people..." (v. 23).

I've been thinking a lot about why this happens.
Not just in general-in the scriptures, but specific to M.E.

I've been reading through some of my journals from the past and reminiscing in the spiritual experiences that I have had...and just so amazed. Amazed that even though I have had great testimony building experiences,...that I still struggle and doubt and wonder.

And wonder if He still trusts me with spiritual experiences.

And I'm reminded to prove to Him that He can.

Leadeth them to faith

Helaman 15

"...the holy scriptures, yea, the prophecies of the holy prophets...leadeth them to faith on the Lord..." (v. 7).

I can't help but think right now how important it is for me to have faith in God.

Faith in His plan for my future.
Knowing the way He has it all planned out is most important.

I'm so grateful for a certain phrase in my patriarchal blessing...
It reads, "...give a listening ear to those who preside in authority over you...particularily his prophet..."
And then, "I bless you with the gift of understanding...".

I feel blessed in my life to have a testimony of the scriptures.
To know they guide my life if I pay heed to them.
To trust the counsel I receive from them.
And that I understand them and can apply them.

Just so thankful!

Be still

Helaman 14

"...for behold, ye are free; ye are permitted to act for yourselves; for behold, God hath given you a knowledge and he hath made you free. He hath given unto you that ye might know good from evil..."

(v. 30-31)

Immediately the words of the apostle Elder Richard L. Evans came to my mind (quoted by Elder D. Todd Christofferson CR, Apr 2010):
“Life offers you two precious gifts—one is time, the other freedom of choice, the freedom to buy with your time what you will. You are free to exchange your allotment of time for thrills. You may trade it for base desires. You may invest it in greed. . . .

“Yours is the freedom to choose. But these are no bargains, for in them you find no lasting satisfaction. Every day, every hour, every minute of your span of mortal years must sometime be accounted for. And it is in this life that you walk by faith and prove yourself able to choose good over evil, right over wrong, enduring happiness over mere amusement. And your eternal reward will be according to your choosing".

I've struggled this last week because I have been SO busy. So busy to the point that I'm physically and mentally exhausted...that one night driving home I burst into tears because I was so extremely tired.

I realize I need "home time". Meaning...I just need to be in my home-mostly because I know the Spirit resides there, it's peaceful, it's ME, and it's where I renew and rejuvenate.

I couldn't but help to relate today's Relief Society lesson to my life....she counseled us to find quiet time to just be STILL.

Her reminder of the scripture, "Be still, and know that I am God"...couldn't have hit me harder.

Love him!

Helaman 13

I love Samuel the Lamanite.
I love his willingness to speak when called upon.
I love his boldness.
I love this man.

Favorite quote from a previous bishop that I had written in the margin of this chapter...

"Determine now more than ever that you will live like His Son. This is the best way ever to come close to Him and do His will".

Just talked with some friends about listening and 'doing' when called upon by the Spirit.
How important those 'burnings in your bosom' are.
I want to be like Samuel.

He is the perfect example of this quote.
Followed His will.
Amazing man.

And thus we see

Helaman 12

Can't stop thinking about this phrase, "...And thus we see...".

Why do people have to change so fast-why is there such a cycle of righteousness, wickedness, righteousness, wickedness....

I wish things would last longer.
I feel that happens not just in society, but I see it in my own life. How quick I am to forget Him and all that He is in my life...the role that He plays, the help that He gives to me...how quick I am to forget. And how often I realize that I cannot live without Him...daily.

"And thus we see" that Karen cannot live without God in her life.
"And thus we see" that when we sin, we are unhappy.
"And thus we see" that the Holy Ghost guides and protects those that put trust in Him.
"And thus we see" how important it is to stay righteous.

There's so many of these in my life....too many to name.
So grateful to have reflected on this tonight...

And I KNOW that thou wilt...

Helaman 11

Why is it so hard to just trust and believe that God will do what He says He will?
Is it my 'impatience' for His timing that makes me doubt?
Do I not really believe He will do what He says?
Somewhere along the road did something happen that made me not trust Him anymore?

I think my most favorite thing about the scriptures is that we can rely upon others' experiences to help us to believe in Him.

Here in this chapter, Nephi is asking the Lord to do all these things...
"...let there be a famine in the land..."
"...turn away thine anger..."
"...hearken unto me..."
"...send rain upon the face of the earth..."

...and then he says, "...AND I KNOW THAT THOU WILT...".

That keeps playing over and over in my head.
Do I know that He "wilt"?
I think I have too many doubts.
I need to pray that I can trust Him.
I need to believe that He will do what He says He will do.
Send blessing He promised He would send.

I think this is one reason why people fall away so fast. They stop believing that He has the power to do everything...that he is all-knowing, all-powerful...they start to doubt that power. And stop believing in it.

And then they think they can do it all on their own.
At least, that's why I fall sometimes...

Trust

Helaman 10

After I finished reading this chapter, all I could think about was trust.
God trusted Nephi.

Several times here the Lord tells Nephi that whatever he asks of God, it shall be done.
"If ye shall say.....it shall be done".

Does He trust me?
Does He trust me with a little family?
I've been waiting and waiting and waiting for this blessing to come to pass in my life

...and after reading this, all I could think about was...

Does He trust me, really? And if I'm not sure...what can I be doing now to gain His trust so that blessing can come into my life?

Reduce the rush

Of Things That Matter Most
President Uchtdorf
April, 2010 CR

Out of all of the conference talks, this one stood out the most.
I think I took a whole page of notes on this one.
Love, love, love, President Uchtdorf.
He's my most favorite...
Next to Pres. Faust.

I've been watching this new TV series called, "What's Eating You".
Saddest show, ever.

It's about people with food disorders. I really can relate to them in a way, and, even though I don't binge & purge together...I think I do binge. And I am always thinking about food, always dieting, always down on myself about my weight, always putting myself down about my image...so I totally relate to these people.

So that's why this quote stood out to me...

"Some people can't get along with themselves. They criticize and belittle themselves all day long until they begin to hate themselves. May I suggest that you reduce the rush and take a little extra time to get to know yourself better".

I had the most amazing summer...because I got to know myself. I put myself outside...enjoying the season...being with family, spending time with friends, and did things that I loved. And I was so happy.

Things have changed...I've been WAY hard on myself, and have overwhelmed myself with work. I've put on weight, I'm discouraged all day, and feel hopeless some days.

This little reminder from Pres. Uchtdorf was so needed.

In tune

Helaman 9

When I started taking medication for depression, I felt like the life got sucked out of me. I couldn't concentrate anymore, I was always agitated, couldn't focus in church meetings, didn't want to sit down to read my scriptures because I wouldn't be able to focus on them. I felt completely out of tune.

And then, I went off the meds.
Slowly I started to "feel" again.
Soon I started noticing things.
I felt like I was coming out of a deep, dark, hole.

That experience really made me think about revelation.
Revelation the prophets receive, revelation I receive.

My experience with medication took me totally away from reality.
I stopped hearing the still small voice. I stopped trying.
Pretty soon I stopped everything altogether. And felt the Spirit leave as well.

I just want to say how grateful I am that Heavenly Father helps us get back "in tune".
Listening in church is so much easier, reading the scriptures is so much better.

Here in this chapter, Nephi's words converted people. People who were in prison were even converted . Just makes me grateful that even the hardest of hearts can change...

...even the rustiest of rustiests can be reconverted and put back in tune with God to receive personal revelation.

So grateful for that.

Havoc

Helaman 8

Wow. Same sort of phrase popped out to me.
Must be that Heavenly Father really wants me to hear and ponder this!

"...the evil one...seeketh to destroy the souls of men". (v. 28).

I really feel like everything negative is being thrown my way.
To discourage me.
To distract me.

Work is hard.
It is overtaking my life, which then makes me forget about ME.
Because of that, I feel yucky about my self image, my health is suffering, and I just feel downhearted.

I know that the "evil one" is seriously working havoc on my soul right now. Because I was told in a blessing that a 'major life change is just around the corner'...now, granted, that blessing was given about 2 years ago.

I keep asking God, "How big is that corner?" ;)

It seems like there is always huge trials before something good happens, and I recognize that as the "evil one" trying to thwart God's plan for me and my future.

So glad we have prayer to turn to...

Hurl away our souls

Helaman 7

This phrase really caught my attention tonight...

"Yea, how could you have given way to the enticing of him who is seeking to hurl away your souls down to everlasting misery and endless wo?" (v.16)
I think I read it over like 10 times. I don't even have it highlighted, which is weird...everything around it is, but this single verse had not been touched. Why it never caught my attention before, I'm not sure.

It's so true...all Satan wants to do is to hurl away our souls to endless misery.
I've done a lot of thinking on this...and just puzzled at why I let myself follow him sometimes.
When I know where his path leads...why do I let myself go there?
Why do I not "shake at the appearance of sin" (2 Ne 4:31)

I really want to rely on God.
Trust Him.
Follow Him.

I just want to do better....

Patience

"Continue in Patience", Elder Uchtdorf, April Conference, 2010.

My most favorite quote of this whole talk:

"(Patience) means staying with something and doing all that we can--working, hoping, and exercising faith; bearing hardship with fortitude, even when the desires of our hearts are delayed. Patience is not simply enduring, it is enduring well".

I was told in a blessing a few years ago that I had delayed my future.
Hearing that really made me step back and try to figure out what I needed to do.
Often times I wonder why the Lord has waited so long for me and is still waiting for me to give me that blessing of being a wife and a mother. And I know that I need to learn some more things.

And I'm ok with that.

That's why I loved this quote so much.
Because it challenges me to work, hope, and have faith--even when the innermost desire of my heart is delayed. And instead of enduring my trial right now...I am living through it, learning by it, and hoping for it.

Still carry on

Helaman 6

I couldn't help but think of a chain while reading this chapter.

I remember in my missionary homecoming talk I spoke of life as a chain, and I brought a visual chain link I had made out of construction paper. I spoke of our ancestry and our posterity. I spoke of the importance of staying strong so that the chain did not break.

As I read this chapter and was reminded of the Gadianton robbers and their secret works...and how those works kept affecting their posterities...

"Yea, it is that same being who put it into the heart of Gadianton to still carry on the work of darkness...and behold, it is he who is the author of all sin...he doth carry on his works of darkness and secret murder, and doth hand down their plots, and their oaths, and their covenants, and their plans of awful wickedness, from generation to generation according as he can get hold upon the hearts of the children of men" (6:29-30).

...I couldn't help but think of the chains of abuse.
All it takes is for one person who has been abused, to commit to not "still carry on" that abuse.

To get help, counseling, find peace.
To vow to never turn your rage from what has happened onto someone else.
To break that chain of abuse from going on further.

I completely understand this principle. And live by it.
I loved this analogy.

Not IF but WHEN

Helaman 5

The biggest thing that stood out for me was vs. 12. As always, this verse gets me. However, today it got me in a different way...

"remember...that WHEN the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea WHEN all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you..."
 
This verse does not say IF.
It says WHEN.
That means, it's not a maybe type of thing...Satan IS going to tempt us.
We ARE going to have trials come our way.
 
The verse continues...
"...it shall have no power over you to drag you down...because of the rock upon which ye are built..a foundation whereon IF men build they cannot fall".
 
The IF really is an IF here.
IF we build upon the Rock, we can be saved from falling.
IF.
 
I loved this quote I had written in my margin of chapter 5:
 
"The great test of life is to see whether we will hearken to and obey God's commands in the midst of the storms of life. It is not to endure storms, but to choose the right while they rage. And the tragedy of life is to fail in that test and so fail to qualify to return to our Heavenly Home" (Elder Eyring, 2005 Nov Ensign, p. 38).
 
What are some of the mighty winds and storms that Satan sends upon me?
Discouragement about my weight and my looks, loneliness, not ever dating, money, etc.
 
How can Christ help me withstand these winds and storms?

Totally and completely cleave to Him.
Seek Him.
Love Him.
Learn of Him.
Be committed to Him.

In the space of not many years

Helaman 4

"...thus they had become weak, because of their transgression, in the space of not many years" (4:26).

How quick we fall.

Isn't that how it is in this world?

And not just looking at the world as a whole...I think of me in my own little life...how I fall so quickly--whether it be righteousness, physical goals I set, To-Do-Lists I make, etc...it seems like "in the space of not many days/minutes" I seem to fall.

That must mean that I need to have a GREATER dependence on God.
Because I just can't do it on my own.
Life gets too hard.
I'm too weak.

My strength is not enough to handle the daily things I do.
"And because of this their great wickedness, and their boastings in their own strength, they were left in their own strength; therefore they did not prosper, but were afflicted and smitten..." (4:13).

Rereading this verse (Alma 26:12) really hit home as I compared it to the references that stood out to me in this chapter:

"Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things...".

Blueprints

Helaman 3

So many times in the scriptures we are given solid blueprints for what we are to do. This chapter is one of them.


"Thus we see that the Lord is merciful...to all who will...
CALL UPON HIS HOLY NAME".

"Thus we see that the gate of heaven is open unto all who will
BELIEVE ON THE NAME OF JESUS CHRIST".

"...we see that whosoever will, may
LAY HOLD UPON THE WORD OF GOD..."

...............

"AND (THIS WILL) LAND THEIR SOULS...AT THE RIGHT HAND OF GOD..."
(3:27-30)

So, there we have it.
Pray to Him.
Believe in Him.
Read of Him.
And we will therefore RETURN to Him.

Gosh, I have lots to do to make those things happen.
But it just takes one step.
Today, I've read of Him.
Now I need to get on track with praying to Him and believing in Him.

Rash decisions.

Helaman 1-2

Something struck me as I was reading these chapters about war.
How quick and rash we make decisions.
Sometimes when we make them to quick, it is to our detriment.

But when we take the time to really think about what we are doing, right things happen.

In chapter 2, one of Helaman's servants had been out by night in disguise--and had heard of the plans for Kishkumen to come to the judgement seat the next day where Helaman, the chief judge was. When Kishkumen saw him the next day, and the servant gave him the 'sign', Kishkumen told him all of his plans...to murder Helaman.

"And when the servant of Helaman had known all the heart of Kishkumen, and how that it was his object to murder...the servant of Helaman said unto Kishkumen: Let us go forth unto the judgement seat. Now this did please Kishkumen...for he did suppose that he should accomplish his design, but behold...the servant of Helaman, as they were going forth unto the judgement seat, did stab Kishkumen even to the heart, that he fell dead without a groan". (2: 8-9).

Reading these verses just makes me think of how this servant of Helaman was not 'quick' to make his decision...he thought about it...he probably took all night to plan, and then the next day was very careful about how it was to be done. That this wicked man could be killed so he would not harm the chief judge. And maybe if he hadn't thought it through, Kishkumen may have found out that he was in disguise, and then killed him, and then who knows what would have happened after that....Helaman's life would not have been spared. A righteous man who brought gospel knowledge to his posterity. And then where would we be today?

And I relate it to me, right now.

I need to think things through more clearly.

Like what I buy.
Like what I eat.
Like how I spend my time.
Like how quickly I let my mind wander-sometimes to unrighteous things.

And how much I need to be like the servant of Helaman, and slow down a little.

Take time.

Whatever circumstance...

Alma 62-63

I've loved reading Alma.
Absolutely loved what I have learned.

I loved this in 62: 49-51:

"But notwithstanding their riches, or their strength, or their prosperity, they were not lifted up in the pride of their eyes; neither were they slow to remember the Lord their God; but they did humble themselves exceedingly before Him".

"Yea, they did remember how great things the Lord had done for them, that he had delivered them from death, and from bonds, and from prisons, and from all manner of afflictions, and he had delivered them out of the hands of their enemies".

"And they did pray unto the Lord their God continually, insomuch that the Lord did bless them, according to his word, so that they did wax strong and prosper in the land."

President Benson once said, "When we put God first, all other things fall into place or out of our lives".

I really feel like when I am willing to be righteous, in whatever circumstance I find myself in, that God will lead my life...that as I put HIM in charge, my life will fall into place, or things I feel like I need but maybe don't, will fall out of my life.

Rats in the Cellar

Alma 59-61

These chapters are by far the best.

I loved what I learned in 59: 11-12...

"And now, when Moroni saw that the city of Nephihah was lost, he was exceedingly sorrowful, and began to doubt, because of the wickedness of the people, whether they should not fall into the hands of their brethren. Now this was the case with all his chief captains. They doubted..."

I loved that it shows here how human these people in the scriptures were. THEY DOUBTED.

Just like I do sometimes.

But,...they never gave up. That's the lesson. That's what I loved. That's what I learned.

I also loved what I learned about not 'lashing' back. Moroni sends this sort of 'lashing' letter to Pahoran because Moroni's men are not receiving any provisions from the Pahoran, the governor. He censures Pahoran and in a way, 'blames' him. I don't think badly of Moroni for doing that...I'm sure I would feel the same way...he had to get it off his chest...but, my most favorite thing is Pahoran's response...

"And now, in your epistle, you have censured me, but it mattereth not; I am not angry, but do rejoice in the greatness of your heart". (61:9).

He could have responded in so many other different ways.

He could have yelled back, fought back, lashed back, condemned Moroni.
He could have thrown in the towel.

I love that he responds with love. And it reminds me to respond with love. To be a Christian. To not let my emotions run out of control and fight back when I am accused of something, or feel wronged in some way. My most favorite thought that goes along with this lesson is this...

I love this quote from C.S. Lewis in Mere Christianity about the process of becoming true Christians:
“We begin to notice, besides our particular sinful acts, our sinfulness; begin to be alarmed not only about what we do, but about what we are. This may sound rather difficult, so I will try to make it clear from my own case. When I come to my evening prayers and try to reckon up the sins of the day, nine times out of ten the most obvious one is some sin against charity; I have sulked or snapped or sneered or snubbed or stormed. And the excuse that immediately springs to my mind is that the provocation was so sudden and unexpected: I was caught off my guard, I had not time to collect myself. Now that may be an extenuating circumstance as regards those particular acts: they would obviously be worse if they had been deliberate and premeditated.

On the other hand, surely what a man does when he is taken off his guard is the best evidence for what sort of a man he is? Surely what pops out before the man has time to put on a disguise is the truth? If there are rats in a cellar you are most likely to see them if you go in very suddenly. But the suddenness does not create the rats: it only prevents them from hiding. In the same way the suddenness of the provocation does not make me an ill-tempered man: it only shows me what an ill-tempered man I am. The rats are always there in the cellar, but if you go in shouting and noisily they will have taken cover before you switch on the light.”

Mmmmmm.....loved that.

Assurances, peace, faith, hope

Alma 58

I love how the people take courage in answer to prayer here...

They pour out their souls to God...

And He gives them assurances that He will deliver them.
And He speaks peace to their souls.
And He grants them faith.
And He causes them to have hope for deliverance.

And they take courage and are fixed with a determination to conquer their enemies. (v.10-12)

I've been thinking....A LOT about my life.
How I need to change.
How I want to be my best self.

This chapter gave me all the answers...and it seems like in the past few chapters of Alma, I have gotten the same answers, over and over. Must be that God is trying to tell me something.

I was taught to
1. Be strict to remember God...PRAY, sincerely.
2. Observe the commandments.
3. Have faith in what I have been told...what blessings are to come into my life. (58:40)

LOVED my study tonight :) :)


How does God answer my prayers?

In what ways can such answers to prayer help me take courage?

Whosoever did not doubt

Alma 57

These 2,000 stripling warriors are so amazing. So faithful. So taken care of by God...

"And we do justly ascribe it to the miraculous power of God, because of their exceeding faith...that...whosoever did not doubt, that they should be preserved by his marvelous power". (v. 26)

I think the strongest faith that I ever had was while serving as a missionary in Taiwan.
I remember how much faith I had in God. How I knew certain blessings would come as we were obedient. How I knew God would protect me. How I knew things I promised to our investigators would come to pass...I had such faith in God that I knew whatever I asked for, He would grant.

During Relief Society today I was thinking about that faith that I had so long ago as that young missionary.

And I wanted that back.

I want to trust Him. Believe in Him. Have faith that as I follow, and "not doubt", God will deliver me by "his matchless power".

They had been taught

Alma 56

Every time I read this chapter about the 2,000 stripling sons that fight in place of their fathers, I am so moved. I'm moved mostly because of their strong faith in God...and that it stemmed from the teachings of their mothers:

"...they had been taught that if they did not doubt, God would deliver them".

"...we do not doubt our mothers knew it".

I think the greatest example a child can have in his/her life is that of a mother & father. Things I wish I could have been exposed to, I wasn't.

I wish I could have seen my parents reading the scriptures...
I wish I could have once walked in on my mom or dad praying on their knees....

I think I would have felt more important to them...I think I would have felt more loved...I think I would have felt more secure with who God was at that time in my life, and who He is now at this time in my life. I think I would have had a stronger foundation of faith.

It's taught me that I want to be that for my own children someday.

Armed from within

Alma 54-55

A single phrase stuck out to me while reading this...

"...they were surrounded by the Nephies without, and...their prisoners were armed within". (55:22)

I've been thinking a lot about progression and blessings, and inner hopes and desires.

And it's made me make some inner commitments so that those things I so hope for can come into my life. I can't express how this phrase made me feel. It just reminded me that I need "protection without"... and to be armed spiritually "within".

What I mean by that is just this...Satan is all around me. Physically he tempts me daily. I need to protect myself from temptations that beset me physically; and yet I also know that he tries to wreck me spiritually...and so within I need to arm myself so I am not beset spiritually.

I need to place up walls of spiritual fortification...
Keep reading my scriptures and pondering.
Keep paying my tithing.
Keep going to church.
Keep living worthily.
Keep communication open with Him...my Captain.

His Spirit to be with us

Alma 52-53

"And thus, because of iniquity amongst themselves, yea, because of dissensions and intrigue among themselves they were placed in the most dangerous circumstances". (53:9).

I once heard a voice loud and clear to not do something.

But I did it anyways. Out of "intrigue", I guess.

And it was dangerous, oh so dangerous.

I'm just so thankful for the guidance of the Holy Ghost. We are often told in the scriptures that we may have His Spirit to be with us...as long as we are living worthy of that. And I believe that. I also believe what this scripture says, that if we place ourselves in dangerous circumstances, we are not assured that the Spirit will stay with us.

Like this scripture...

"For the Spirit of the Lord will not always strive with man. And when the Spirit ceaseth to strive with man then cometh speedy destruction..." (2 Nephi 26:11)

And this one...

"...And if ye do always remember me ye shall have my Spirit to be with you" (3 Nephi 18: 7, 11)

Would I rather be in a dangerous place, or a safe place?

I think the latter :)

Moroni.

As I read tonight, (Alma 51-52) I couldn't help think of Moroni and his goodness.

He was appointed chief captain of the army when he was only 25 years old (Alma 43:17).

In this chapter he is around 37 years old. Just a few years older than I am.

And he is doing amazing things in this war.

And I wonder about me and what I'm doing...and what I need to be pushing myself to do.

And how much I want to be like Moroni.

"Yea,...if all men (and women) had been, and were, and ever would be, like unto Moroni, behold the very powers of hell would have been shaken forever; yea, the devil would never have power over the hearts of the children of men." (Alma 48:17)

Oh Moroni...

Teach me more...

Heed.

Alma 49-50

"Yea, and there was continual peace among them, and exceedingly great prosperity in the church because of their heed and diligence which they gave unto the word of God..." (49:30).

Heed=Notice; attention.

I've been thinking so much lately about trust.

About faith.

About belief.

...that I am deserving enough for a husband and a little family of my own someday.

I can't help but realize that there are 5 really important things that I know He wants me to work on so that I can have those blessings that are there awaiting for me...

Have more sincere prayer and communication with Him.
Pay a diligent tithe.
Fast every single month...about this specific thing.
Be more righteous.
And give HEED to the word of God.

That's why I loved this verse so.

I know things get rough and time gets short, and it's hard to read and to post daily, I myself struggle with it especially since school/work has started. I just find myself exhausted. But I believe what this scripture says, that there will be PEACE and PROSPERITY in our lives as we GIVE HEED to the word of God, daily.

I need to do this! Every single day! Don't miss a day!

Once enlightened

Alma 47-48.

I love how these war chapters so relate to what is going on in the world right now.

My nephew's wife just up and decided she wasn't going to be a member anymore. She was baptized right before they got married, and then they were just sealed in the temple.  Now she's just throwing it all away like she never had anything ever to do with it.

One of my best YW friends growing up got sealed in the temple to her husband that she helped convert. A year ago they asked to have their names removed off of the church records.

My high school crush and great friend whom I hadn't seen in several years just committed suicide. And in talking with his sister, I found out that he too, had left the church recently.

What in the world is happening...it's so sad. But it is true that once you have been enlightened, you are then responsible for so much more...

" Now these dissenters, having the same instruction...it is strange to relate...they became more hardened...yea, entirely forgetting the Lord their God". (47:36)

It's strange how we all go through this cycle...even to a small extent. And it's interesting how the one thing that always seems to be constant...at least for me...the the forgetting God part. He seems to be forgotten a lot...

I want that cycle to stop.  I want to be more righteous and deserving for blessings in my life...

Run & Rend

Alma 46.

This is one of my most favorite chapters!!!!!!

I LOVE this analogy...

Moroni raises the title of liberty to his people, and pleads with them to covenant with God...

"...and enter into a covenant that they will maintain their rights, and their religion, that the Lord God may bless them".  (v. 20)

And then, my favorite part...

"...the people came running...rending their garments"!!  (v. 21)

This has often made me step back and take a good hard look at HOW I keep my covenants...sometimes I half-heartedly do it. I want to "RUN & REND" like these people.

I want to be more faithful.

I want to keep my covenants better...love Him better...live my life better...

...that the Lord God may bless (me).

All the times...

Alma 44-45

I often wonder what it would be like personally living in a war torn country...and just trying to rely on God so much for my protection and for my family's protection.

And then I realize that I do live amongst a war every single day...Satan tries daily to battle me and to beat me and to have victory over me.

I love that the Nephites in these chapters constantly trust that God will deliver them.

And I love their dedication to him after they are delivered...

"...they gave thanks unto the Lord their God; yea, and they did fast much and pray much, and they did worship God with exceedingly great joy".  (45:1).

I've been trying really hard lately not just to go to God for strength when I am weak...but to go to Him for everything...happy times, sad times...

all the times...

Death at every stroke

Alma 43.

I used to think the "war" chapters in Alma were really boring and hard to apply. But once I realized that life really is kind of like a war between good and evil, God and Satan, I started to think a little more deeply about how to apply it to myself.

Like this verse for instance...

"And the work of death commenced on both sides, but it was more dreadful on the part of the Lamanites, for their nakedness was exposed to the heavy blows of the Nephites with their swords and their cimeters, which brought death almost at every stroke" (v. 37).

SO many times, when I am "exposed" in any way, Satan's blows bring spiritual death almost at every stroke.

For me, this week, the blows were both physical and emotional.

I stopped reading the scriptures.

Praying.

Believing in myself and keeping to my goals.

And that is how he caused spiritual death.

So grateful that I have a renewed sense of zest (mostly due to General Conference!) and that Heavenly Father allows us to change every single day.

I love change.

Love that I can withstand Satan's blows with armor from God.

Whosoever will...may.

Alma 41.

For me, one certain phrase stuck out...

"...whosoever will...MAY walk therein and be saved..." (v. 8)

I just feel like ever since I received a blessing a couple of weeks ago--my mind has been focused on these types of phrases. Just the fact that I have the chance to CHOOSE...and God is willing to grant me blessings...and all I need to do is choose them. Work for them. Live righteously. And every blessing I desire will come to pass. And it can happen THIS SCHOOL YEAR.

That's what the blessing said.


So specific.

We love David

Alma 40.

I don't think I have ever had a lengthy conversation with someone about what happens after we die. I am sure I talked about it on my mission, but not to the extent that I really had to dig deep in the scriptures to teach them. And I personally have never really wondered about it...I just know what I have been taught, but it never has been a real intense topic that I have wanted to study.


This weekend, however, I've thought about it ever so much.

My good friend (and 3 yr. high school crush) David Dockendorf, committed suicide this week. It was the biggest shock of my life...and has been kinda hard on me since. I just can't come to grips with the fact that he is gone. I attended the viewing and funeral on Friday and Saturday. It was by far the hardest viewing I've ever been to. I hadn't seen him for about 8 years...I didn't realize that he had so many health problems and struggles. My heart ached when I saw all of the pictures of him and how much his body had changed...how the light in his eyes had gone. His sweet 7 yr old daughter seemed to take on his appearance totally...the Dave I used to know---bright eyes, happy soul.

He was injured at work several years ago and had multiple back surgeries because of it. Was diagnosed with Chrones disease, diabetes, and recently the doctors had found lesions on his brain which were causing severe headaches.

He just couldn't take the pain anymore, and shot himself.

Uhggg.

When I read this chapter, I couldn't help but think of him.

Funerals like that are really hard. You just feel sort of unsure of their standing and where they are. But I loved his father's words at the end of the funeral.

God loves David.

God is the judge of David.

We love David.

This verse hit home and I couldn't help but think of my sweet friend Dave.

v. 23

"The soul shall be restored to the body, and the body to the soul, yea, and every limb and joint shall be restored to its body; ytea, even a hair of the head shall not be lost but all things shall be restored to their proper and perfect frame".
 
http://www.heraldextra.com/lifestyles/announcements/obituaries/article_12ba9751-12fd-58b7-96b2-77fb508b8b67.html

Examples

After listening to some of the conference talks, I got a feel for one of the main messages that I felt was pretty prevalent throughout the talks. That of being an example to your kids...to people around you...


Alma 39
In this chapter, one particular verse, vs. 11 says,

"...for when they saw your conduct they would not believe in my words...".

Little kids pick up on EVERYTHING. I know that as a teacher...they remember every single detail of every story I tell them.

I hope I can have better "conduct"...so that those around me are influenced by the "good" parts of me.

AS much, even SO much

Alma 38:5 is one of my most favorite.


"And now (my daughter Karen), I would that ye should remember that as much as ye shall put your trust in God even so much ye shall be delivered out of your trials, and your troubles, and your afflictions, and ye shall be lifted up at the last day".
I think I like it so much because it's kind of visual for me...it's like a scale...

AS MUCH as you put your trust in God,

even

SO MUCH ye shall be delivered out of your trials.

So as much as I want to trust God, that is how much he is going to bless me. I need to trust more, believe more, and just have the faith to know that HE has a grander plan for me....and I need to trust that.

Just the other day I received a blessing and it said this verse almost to the "T". I left with a feeling in my heart from the blessing that God has ALL of these blessings that I desire just waiting for me. And that AS MUCH as I just trust and be willing to believe, HE WILL give me those blessings that are just waiting for me.

Rescue mission

Alma 36-37

Loved. Loved. Loved these chapters!!

I watched an Oprah episode this week about Ingrid Betancourt, a woman from South America that was running for Office of the President and was kidnapped...for 6 long grueling years. It spoke of the struggles she faced, and of the rescue mission that was put together for her and other prisoners.

http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/How-Ingrid-Betancourt-Let-Go-of-Her-Fear-Video

Most heart wrenching story I've ever heard. Cannot believe she lived through what she did.

Anyways, I read these chapters after watching that episode. This verse stood out to me...that related to her experience...and I feel relates to me. It doesn't really relate to the questions you asked, Joni, but this was the most touching thing I read, so I thought I would just share my thoughts. I'll focus my thoughts on just ch. 36.

Alma 36: 27

"And I have been supported under trials and troubles of every kind, yea, and in all manner of afflictions; yea, God has delivered me from prison, and from bonds, and from death; yea, and I do put my trust in him, and he will still deliver me".

Ingrid was tortured severely, ignored physically, and lived through some of the most horrific discusting experiences for 6 long grueling years. I want to read her book now after watching that. But she expressed during the episode once that she at one time felt that God had left her. How could she have to go through that...was He really there for her...

Often times I myself feel that He leaves me. I feel that because I'm having to endure a trial that is so hard, that He doesn't care for me...or else why would He make me suffer so?

Like Ingrid said in the show, she had to continue to have faith, even though she felt abandoned. She had to trust that something good would come of it. She said SHE was the one that could change her attitude about her situation...no one else.



I so much learned from that episode and from these scriptures tonight. What an amazing study.

Notice Notes

Help Them on Their Way Home
President Henry B. Eyring
April 2010 Conference

Just looking at the title makes me think of my profession. Even though I don't teach my students the gospel directly, I can indirectly teach them through my works.

LOVED this article!

I am not a mother.

Hope I someday can be...and have always hoped for that.

But I am a teacher. And I teach around 25-30+ students a year. Have done so for 9 years. SO I have had lots 'n lots of kids.

I always hope I am source of comfort and direction for them. Some of them I KNOW have fallen off the path--members or not--and it breaks my heart. I looked at my first year's class picture while my niece told me of everyone's whereabouts. They are all graduated now. Several....have not such a great life story right now. Seriously breaks my heart.

But these quotes stood out.

"I have seen how parents helped a daughter achieve her goals and dreams by noticing and appreciating all the good things she does".

"So, if we are wise, we will encourage, praise, and exemplify everything which invites the companionship of the Holy Ghost. When they share with us what they are doing and feeling, we must ourselves have qualified for the Spirit. Then they will feel in our praise and our smiles the approval of God..."

I've started "Notice Notes" with my students. Each day I put a note on a few students' desks of things I notice about them. Good things. And I try to be really sincere and honest about them.

Hope this helps them a little...and that because I'm trying to seek the Spirit in my life, and trying to have the Holy Ghost with me daily, that possibly they will feel approval of God in those "Notice Notes", ...even if they don't know a "God"...at least they will feel a deep love.

Catchin up

Alma 33:21
I love this phrase...

"O my brethren, if ye could be healed by merely casting about your eyes that ye might be healed, would ye not behold quickly, or would ye rather harden your hearts in unbelief, and be slothful, that ye would not cast about your eyes, that ye might perish?"
For me, right now, I know the blessings of a future family that He wants to give me are RIGHT THERE.


All I need to do is have faith and cast my eyes to behold them.
 
Alma 34: 35
Something really hit home today reading this.
"...if ye have procrastinated the day of your repentance even until death, behold, ye have become subjected to the spirit of the devil, and he doth seal you his; therefore, the Spirit of the Lord hath withdrawn from you, and hath no place in you, and the devil hath all power over you;..."
I think this is why sometimes I don't feel Him near me--He's far away/withdrawn from me because I'm far away from Him.

The best thing I can do to fulfill His plan is to be near to Him so that the devil does not seal me his....

Never, never, never give up!

"Never, Never, Never Give Up!"
Mary N. Cook-April Conference 2010

This was a such a great talk to read today.

Totally needed to read this counsel.

I received a priesthood blessing on my birthday last week...best present ever. I was told and promised some really great things for my 34th year. The best thing about it was that I came away with the feeling about my future...

"If you want it....you can have it."

And then I read this talk, and it just re-confirmed the things that I was told...and even gave me extra direction. I was told in my blessing that I needed to keep strengthening my testimony and doing what I was doing through scripture study. Made me thankful for all the recent studying I've been doing and pushed me even more to dig deeper and ponder and apply more.

I loved these quotes...they were direct answers to me in relation to what I need to be doing RIGHT now in my life...

"WHAT DOES THE LORD WANT YOU TO DO?
...be a valiant and virtuous daughter of God
...be dedicated to living each day so that you can be worthy to receive the blessings of the temple...".


"WHAT WILL HELP YOU follow the plan and be a valiant and virtuous daughter of God?
...gain a strong testimony, step by step
...seek the help of Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, your family, and others who will support you
...live to be worthy of the companionship of the Holy Ghost".

This hit home

Alma 32

I couldn't help but think as I read this chapter today of my joy in the journey of being single, yet hoping for my dream to come true of a little family of my own someday.

It really hit home.

This is what Alma taught me:

-Arouse my faculties and experiment.
Be willing to believe that "he" is out there, and that God has that in store for me.

-Don't cast it out because of my unbelief.
Just because sometimes things don't work out with dates, etc...doesn't mean it isn't going to happen.

-Recognize when I feel that the seed is good.
Pay attention to times I feel great and positive about life and the future. Be grateful for those days!

-Nourish the seed with great care--don't neglect it. Have faith, patience, looking forward to the fruit.
Do everything possible on my end for my future.

-Reap the rewards of my faith, diligence, patience, & long-suffering-wait for the tree to bring forth fruit.
Realize that when the time is right, HE will make it happen, and that blessing will come into my life.

This chapter hit me like it never has.

So interesting how the scriptures do that. :)

What a contrast!

Alma 31

To read of these two types of prayers just amazes me.

The Zoramites (inactive members of the church), on one hand, pray to God and thank Him that they are better than others...thank Him that they are His blessed people...and yet Alma, on the other hand, pours out his heart in humbleness to God for the people...asking God to "comfort (his) sould in Christ". Admitting to God that he is "infirm" which means, 'feeble; weak of mind, will, or character; insecure; lacking assurance; lacking self confidence'.

The contrast is just unreal.

I think prayer all comes down to humbleness. I think it all comes down to realizing that without God, you are 'nothing'...that His power is greater than anyone or anything. I think realizing those things makes prayer more meaningful and hearfelt.

I need to pray more like that.

And I'm gonna.

Pure testimony

Alma 30

Korihor was a wicked antichrist who tried to force a 'scientific view' of possibles and impossibles on the people. I love Alma's response to him. I remember several times as a missionary getting into discussions with people who started to act just like Korihor...and I remember that the only thing I felt assured and confident of was bearing down in pure testimony against them. I didn't want to ever fight doctrine...I always wanted to bear a pure testimony with truth. For me, in my heart that was most effective. Always.

Just like it says in Alma 4:19...

"Alma...seeing no way that he might reclaim them save it were in bearing down in pure testimony against them."

No one can take away your own testimony...no one can say what you say isn't true--they CAN say it, but you can believe and feel what you want. And I think this is exactly what Alma does here to Korihor-when he asks him if he would deny again that there was a God...Alma then says, "...For behold, I say unto you, I know there is a God, and also that Christ shall come." (v. 39)

Rereading this chapter reminded me of those simple testimony times...and reminded me that I need to strengthen myself spiritually. I loved hearing that encouragement at regional conference yesterday, and I can't say it enough..."Remember the spiritual experiences of the past that have solidified our testimonies".

Oh yes. I'm remembering them.

What was once solidified

Alma 29

Missionaries can feel the same kind of joy that Alma felt as a missionary as they serve God. I felt that daily as a missionary. It always seemed that I was more aware of God when others that I was teaching or serving came unto Christ or accepted the challenges that we were giving, or were progressing in the gospel...I always realized how blessed I was and how God had His hand in the work I was doing for Him.

Something I heard at Stake/Regional conference today really hit home, so I decided to follow the counsel given. Elder Snow said, "Remember the spiritual experiences of the past that solidified your testimony". I started re-reading my missionary journals. I remember so much of my mission...but there are some things that I have stored away in my mind...things that were real testimony builders.

Such a blessing to do that today.

Totally strengthened my testimony...re-reminded me of what was once 'solidified'.

Much comfort and direction

Alma 27-28

There is a quality about me that I think sometimes could be a bad thing, and has been, yet it is also a strength I have in my life. In my patriarchal blessing is tells me that I have an open mind to people and to things, and that because of that and my love for those who seek me out for guidance and inspiration, I will give much comfort and direction. I truly know the meaning of this phrase...for I have seen it work both good and evil in my life.

What I mean, is I try to be a non-judgemental person when it comes to people that are struggling with sin and problems...I understand where they've been, I understand how hard things can get. And though I believe in justice for sins commited, I also am a firm believer of repentance and of the mercy of God...I know He is not some mean person standing in Heaven watching our every move and saying, "OH, I SAW THAT! PUT A BLACK MARK BY HER NAME!!"

And so, sometimes, in my quest to help others and to be non-judgemental and to be the best listener/friend to someone that is struggling, that strength has become a weakness for me, and has put me in predicaments where I maybe faltered in righteousness.

I'm working on that weakness, trying to make it, as Moroni testifies, a strength..."...for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them" (Ether 12:27).

SO the whole reason why I thought of this is because of what the Nephites do for the Anti-Nephi-Lehies in this chapter (ch. 27). They gave them a land of inheritance and vowed to protect them so they wouldn't have to take up arms and break their covenants with God.

"...and we will guard them from their enemies..." (vs. 24)

As I read that phrase, I couldn't help but think of a certain friend struggling with something. I've been a listener to her...I've tried to be a comfort for her and let her know that I accept her and love her just the same...I don't want my acceptance to become another weakness in my life, but I do want to be there for her.

I need to strengthen and encourage, and, as my blessing says, 'give comfort and direction'...but do that in the RIGHT way, encouraging her to be righteous, helping to 'guard her from her enemies'.

New scripture journal

I just finished my hand written scripture journal, and I think I am going to stick with the blogging journal for now. I like how fast I can type out my thoughts, and I love the look of my blog :)

Since I wrote last, my scripture study has taken off! All to the help of the little scripture study group on facebook that I am a part of. My sister Joni and our friend Meg started it, and I joined, and so far we have 7 members total. We read and then comment about what we read. Other things have been added to our comments/reading assignments like spiritual thoughts/songs/poems, Sunday conference talks, etc. I have LOVED this group. It has been a motivation for me to get back studying once again.

I LOVE the scriptures. I LOVE what I learn and how I change when I read. I LOVE pondering and thinking and applying again...it feels so good to be here.

Alma 25-26

The greatest chapter of praise to the Father is in chapter 26...I loved it.

I'll focus my thoughts on chapter 26.

I don't think that I could have read this chapter without thinking of my sweet memories as a missionary in Taiwan.

v. 9 "For if (I) had not come up (to) the land of (Taiwan), these (my) dearly beloved (chinese)...would also have been strangers to God"

I think of my mission and I have the warmest feelings in my heart. It's my second home...sometimes, feels like my first home. I don't know where I would be had I not served a mission there. It was truly meant to be and I am forever indebted to God for the memories and the love I have for that sweet land and its people. I have firmly rooted in me testimonies that I gained there...and even though since I've been home I have waivered here and there, I can always come back to my heart and remember, and recommit, and glory in the blessings I received there. SO many sweet memories and lessons....

At times I really struggled to learn chinese...it is what kept me from feeling like I could be successful many times while I served. I will always be comforted, like I was back then, when reading this phrase...

v. 27 "Now when our hearts were depressed, and we were about to turn back, behold, the Lord comforted us, and said: Go amongst thy brethren, the (Chinese), and bear with patience thine afflictions, and I will give unto you success".

So many times I heard that in my head as I served, and struggled, to be the missionary He wanted me to be...and to be affective. I couldn't have asked for a more comforting phrase...one He often whispered to me as a missionary, and often whispers to me today.

He does listen.

He does care.

He does know that the trials we are experiencing are only for our good.

He does want us to trust Him and to have faith in Him that everything will turn out right. And that if we have patience, He will give us success.

I've missed you.

Welcome back, my friend.

I've missed you.

You are exactly what I need.

My sister started a Book of Mormon study group with our friend Meg. I asked to join in. Couldn't have been a better idea. Every day we read the same thing and then write our thoughts to each other on a private facebook group page.

It already feels like happiness is flooding into my heart, and I'm so grateful.

Ravenous Wolf

I've really been struggling with some things this weekend. Sometimes I despise weekends because loneliness creeps in, and other times I love being alone and having some me time. This weekend was not one of the good ones.

It was just hard.

This guy in church bore his testimony yesterday and said something that really spoke to me. It hit hard. He said how he has always been perceived by others as this happy, careless, optimistic person. He said he was happy, don't get him wrong, but he said, "You know, even people like me go through tough things". He said he woke up one morning just really depressed, lonely, and so sad he didn't feel like he could get up. He immediately got on his knees and prayed to God, asking Him if He really really loved him. He pleaded for an answer. He said as he was getting ready a while later for work, the most peaceful, serene feeling came over him and he knew that God really, truly, loved him.

I teared up...and I don't even know him well. Because it's exactly how I feel right now.

I read this phrase today and it spoke home to me... Alma 5:60

"And now I say unto you that the good shepherd doth call after you; and if you will hearken unto his voice he will bring you into his fold, and ye are his sheep; and he commandeth you that ye suffer no ravenous wolf to enter among you, that ye may not be destroyed"

Satan is a ravenous wolf to me. He tries so hard to get me to be discouraged and to feel unimportant to God and to others, to the point that it literally destroys me. It's been one of the worst weekends of my life, because of him...

I want God to 'bring me into his fold'. I want to feel that serene feeling my friend felt.

Submission

This evening before I did my study, I wrote down answers I am searching for...or desires I have that I hope and pray He will grant.

Interesting what I read.

One of the things I wrote down was that I want to press on...and that even though I have not met someone yet to marry, that I just need to be happy being ME. A single me. And love it, despite my wishes/desires. I need to enjoy the things I do every day and know that who I am and what I am doing is important.

This phrase caught my attention...and I think relates so well...

"...and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord" (Mosiah 24:15).
That's exactly what I needed to hear. I need to submit to His will...and be cheerful about it and have patience...because He sees the bigger picture in my life, and knows just when and where and how it needs to all happen for me.