Renshi

1 Nephi 2

Sometimes I find myself in a rut spiritually--I feel down or discouraged, alone and ignored by God. I think I always come full circle though and realize that He hasn't left me. I've pulled away from Him.

He's always there, always.

This scripture stood out to me
1 Ne 2:12 "...And they did murmur because they knew not the dealings of that God who had created them".

So I've been thinking this morning why I "know not the dealings of God". What causes me to forget? Why do I feel this way? I want to know Him again. I love reading the scriptures. It helps me to have that 'full circle' experience and reminds me of what I'm missing by neglecting the word.

I want to know God again.
In chinese, the word KNOW has two words, both with a slight difference in meaning.

Zhidao: To know of.
Renshi: To know, personally.

SO, I can zhidao someone...meaning...I know OF them, but not personally. Like I know some people's names at work, but I don't really ever talk with them, or I don't know them intimately in any way. I just know who they are.

OR, I can renshi someone...meaning...I personally know them. They are one of my good friends. We are close.

I want, desperately, to RENSHI my God.

Finding me

1 Nephi 1

I've had this longing for a little while. I really and truly want to be connected to Him again. A while ago, just after I had finished my thesis, I was really struggling (sort of like how I feel now) about getting back to the old 'me'.

I used to be so in tune with God and with my life.

When I was going through the graduate program--I realized that it took over my whole life. I became someone completely different, and I've never gone back to that same person. It saddened me. Still does. However, this comment from a friend on my blog post helped me to take heart, and being reminded of it again this morning and inspired to look it up brought comfort to my heart and relates to scriptures that touched me today. She said,

"I spent about a year of my life trying to 'get back to the old me' and then discovered that she wasn't the person I wanted to be either. I really think we evolve and in many ways we can never really go 'back'. We have what we were in the past, what we've learned in the present and the opportunity to live life today a little more in tune with who we really WANT to be in the future".

I still am that person that I used to be.
I'm older.
I'm wiser.
I've had so many more experiences...experiences I can testify have changed me, and I think for the good.

When I read in 1 Nephi that Lehi prayed with all his heart, (1:5) this particular scripture cross reference I read I felt related to me and encourages me to press forward and come to know God, truly know Him through prayer and scripture study...

Jer 29: 13 "And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart ".

I want to find Him.
Just need to sincerely put my heart in it.
And when I find Him, I am sure I will find me.

Abiding by its precepts

I keep thinking about something that I heard in Stake Conference last weekend.
"Teach them what you know, but more importantly, teach them HOW you know".

Been thinking a lot about how this applies to my life. Really and truly, it applies in every area right now to me.

My calling.
My job.
My testimony.
My family & friends.

Just...
everything.

I recently started reading the Book of Mormon again, and it seems that each time I start anew, I am reminded of the testimony that I have gained from reading its pages.

How do I know of its truthfulness?
Because I've read it. Lots.
Because I've prayed about it. Lots.
Because I've pondered it. Lots.

I love this phrase that I read today in the introduction.

"A man would get nearer to God by abiding by its precepts".

I've been soul searching for a bit now. Struggling, a lot. I'm grateful that I know this...that I know that when I read, I will get nearer to God. And I know this because every time I recommit myself to read, I have sweet tender experiences like the one I just had tonight.

The Gospel is true.
This book....is amazing.

Sweet Hinckley thoughts.

I love President Hinckley. I love and miss everything about him. I never fully appreciated his mannerisms until he became prophet of the church. As a child I always thought of him to be serious and stern. I didn't like listening to him talk.

I don't know why I felt that way.

Today I long for his sweet messages. His cute manner, his jokes. I long to listen to his testimony and glean from his strength at the pulpit. That's why whenever I read something from him, or hear a talk he gave-hear his little voice...I am taken back to when he was here on this earth. I miss him. 

Oh how I love this quote by him. It is written on the front cover of my Book of Mormon-the one that I received for Christmas the winter after I returned home from my mission. I'm starting the Book of Mormon again from this certain book for the 8th time. I'm not sure how many times that makes it for me reading this book, but I sure am thankful that each time I read it, Heavenly Father seems to pour new information into my heart and soul.

Oh...I love this book, with all my heart. And what a joy to read this quote as I start my journey in this book today once again...

"...The evidence for its truth, for its validity in a world that is prone to demand evidence, lies not in archaeology or anthropology, though these may be helpful to some. It lies not in word research or historical analysis, though these may be confirmatory. The evidence for its truth and validity lies within the covers of the book itself. The test of its truth lies in reading it. It is a book of God. Reasonable men may sincerely question its origin; but those who have read it prayerfully have come to know by a power beyond their natural senses that it is true".

President Hinckley
"The Cornerstone of our Faith" Ensign Nov 1984, p. 50.

Can't wait to gain a stronger testimony this year of its truthfulness.