Notwithstanding, and nevertheless

Helaman 16

"And angles did appear unto men...Nevertheless, the people began to harden their hearts..." (v. 14-15)

"And notwithstanding the signs and the wonders...Satan did get great hold upon the hearts of the people..." (v. 23).

I've been thinking a lot about why this happens.
Not just in general-in the scriptures, but specific to M.E.

I've been reading through some of my journals from the past and reminiscing in the spiritual experiences that I have had...and just so amazed. Amazed that even though I have had great testimony building experiences,...that I still struggle and doubt and wonder.

And wonder if He still trusts me with spiritual experiences.

And I'm reminded to prove to Him that He can.

Leadeth them to faith

Helaman 15

"...the holy scriptures, yea, the prophecies of the holy prophets...leadeth them to faith on the Lord..." (v. 7).

I can't help but think right now how important it is for me to have faith in God.

Faith in His plan for my future.
Knowing the way He has it all planned out is most important.

I'm so grateful for a certain phrase in my patriarchal blessing...
It reads, "...give a listening ear to those who preside in authority over you...particularily his prophet..."
And then, "I bless you with the gift of understanding...".

I feel blessed in my life to have a testimony of the scriptures.
To know they guide my life if I pay heed to them.
To trust the counsel I receive from them.
And that I understand them and can apply them.

Just so thankful!

Be still

Helaman 14

"...for behold, ye are free; ye are permitted to act for yourselves; for behold, God hath given you a knowledge and he hath made you free. He hath given unto you that ye might know good from evil..."

(v. 30-31)

Immediately the words of the apostle Elder Richard L. Evans came to my mind (quoted by Elder D. Todd Christofferson CR, Apr 2010):
“Life offers you two precious gifts—one is time, the other freedom of choice, the freedom to buy with your time what you will. You are free to exchange your allotment of time for thrills. You may trade it for base desires. You may invest it in greed. . . .

“Yours is the freedom to choose. But these are no bargains, for in them you find no lasting satisfaction. Every day, every hour, every minute of your span of mortal years must sometime be accounted for. And it is in this life that you walk by faith and prove yourself able to choose good over evil, right over wrong, enduring happiness over mere amusement. And your eternal reward will be according to your choosing".

I've struggled this last week because I have been SO busy. So busy to the point that I'm physically and mentally exhausted...that one night driving home I burst into tears because I was so extremely tired.

I realize I need "home time". Meaning...I just need to be in my home-mostly because I know the Spirit resides there, it's peaceful, it's ME, and it's where I renew and rejuvenate.

I couldn't but help to relate today's Relief Society lesson to my life....she counseled us to find quiet time to just be STILL.

Her reminder of the scripture, "Be still, and know that I am God"...couldn't have hit me harder.

Love him!

Helaman 13

I love Samuel the Lamanite.
I love his willingness to speak when called upon.
I love his boldness.
I love this man.

Favorite quote from a previous bishop that I had written in the margin of this chapter...

"Determine now more than ever that you will live like His Son. This is the best way ever to come close to Him and do His will".

Just talked with some friends about listening and 'doing' when called upon by the Spirit.
How important those 'burnings in your bosom' are.
I want to be like Samuel.

He is the perfect example of this quote.
Followed His will.
Amazing man.

And thus we see

Helaman 12

Can't stop thinking about this phrase, "...And thus we see...".

Why do people have to change so fast-why is there such a cycle of righteousness, wickedness, righteousness, wickedness....

I wish things would last longer.
I feel that happens not just in society, but I see it in my own life. How quick I am to forget Him and all that He is in my life...the role that He plays, the help that He gives to me...how quick I am to forget. And how often I realize that I cannot live without Him...daily.

"And thus we see" that Karen cannot live without God in her life.
"And thus we see" that when we sin, we are unhappy.
"And thus we see" that the Holy Ghost guides and protects those that put trust in Him.
"And thus we see" how important it is to stay righteous.

There's so many of these in my life....too many to name.
So grateful to have reflected on this tonight...

And I KNOW that thou wilt...

Helaman 11

Why is it so hard to just trust and believe that God will do what He says He will?
Is it my 'impatience' for His timing that makes me doubt?
Do I not really believe He will do what He says?
Somewhere along the road did something happen that made me not trust Him anymore?

I think my most favorite thing about the scriptures is that we can rely upon others' experiences to help us to believe in Him.

Here in this chapter, Nephi is asking the Lord to do all these things...
"...let there be a famine in the land..."
"...turn away thine anger..."
"...hearken unto me..."
"...send rain upon the face of the earth..."

...and then he says, "...AND I KNOW THAT THOU WILT...".

That keeps playing over and over in my head.
Do I know that He "wilt"?
I think I have too many doubts.
I need to pray that I can trust Him.
I need to believe that He will do what He says He will do.
Send blessing He promised He would send.

I think this is one reason why people fall away so fast. They stop believing that He has the power to do everything...that he is all-knowing, all-powerful...they start to doubt that power. And stop believing in it.

And then they think they can do it all on their own.
At least, that's why I fall sometimes...

Trust

Helaman 10

After I finished reading this chapter, all I could think about was trust.
God trusted Nephi.

Several times here the Lord tells Nephi that whatever he asks of God, it shall be done.
"If ye shall say.....it shall be done".

Does He trust me?
Does He trust me with a little family?
I've been waiting and waiting and waiting for this blessing to come to pass in my life

...and after reading this, all I could think about was...

Does He trust me, really? And if I'm not sure...what can I be doing now to gain His trust so that blessing can come into my life?

Reduce the rush

Of Things That Matter Most
President Uchtdorf
April, 2010 CR

Out of all of the conference talks, this one stood out the most.
I think I took a whole page of notes on this one.
Love, love, love, President Uchtdorf.
He's my most favorite...
Next to Pres. Faust.

I've been watching this new TV series called, "What's Eating You".
Saddest show, ever.

It's about people with food disorders. I really can relate to them in a way, and, even though I don't binge & purge together...I think I do binge. And I am always thinking about food, always dieting, always down on myself about my weight, always putting myself down about my image...so I totally relate to these people.

So that's why this quote stood out to me...

"Some people can't get along with themselves. They criticize and belittle themselves all day long until they begin to hate themselves. May I suggest that you reduce the rush and take a little extra time to get to know yourself better".

I had the most amazing summer...because I got to know myself. I put myself outside...enjoying the season...being with family, spending time with friends, and did things that I loved. And I was so happy.

Things have changed...I've been WAY hard on myself, and have overwhelmed myself with work. I've put on weight, I'm discouraged all day, and feel hopeless some days.

This little reminder from Pres. Uchtdorf was so needed.

In tune

Helaman 9

When I started taking medication for depression, I felt like the life got sucked out of me. I couldn't concentrate anymore, I was always agitated, couldn't focus in church meetings, didn't want to sit down to read my scriptures because I wouldn't be able to focus on them. I felt completely out of tune.

And then, I went off the meds.
Slowly I started to "feel" again.
Soon I started noticing things.
I felt like I was coming out of a deep, dark, hole.

That experience really made me think about revelation.
Revelation the prophets receive, revelation I receive.

My experience with medication took me totally away from reality.
I stopped hearing the still small voice. I stopped trying.
Pretty soon I stopped everything altogether. And felt the Spirit leave as well.

I just want to say how grateful I am that Heavenly Father helps us get back "in tune".
Listening in church is so much easier, reading the scriptures is so much better.

Here in this chapter, Nephi's words converted people. People who were in prison were even converted . Just makes me grateful that even the hardest of hearts can change...

...even the rustiest of rustiests can be reconverted and put back in tune with God to receive personal revelation.

So grateful for that.

Havoc

Helaman 8

Wow. Same sort of phrase popped out to me.
Must be that Heavenly Father really wants me to hear and ponder this!

"...the evil one...seeketh to destroy the souls of men". (v. 28).

I really feel like everything negative is being thrown my way.
To discourage me.
To distract me.

Work is hard.
It is overtaking my life, which then makes me forget about ME.
Because of that, I feel yucky about my self image, my health is suffering, and I just feel downhearted.

I know that the "evil one" is seriously working havoc on my soul right now. Because I was told in a blessing that a 'major life change is just around the corner'...now, granted, that blessing was given about 2 years ago.

I keep asking God, "How big is that corner?" ;)

It seems like there is always huge trials before something good happens, and I recognize that as the "evil one" trying to thwart God's plan for me and my future.

So glad we have prayer to turn to...

Hurl away our souls

Helaman 7

This phrase really caught my attention tonight...

"Yea, how could you have given way to the enticing of him who is seeking to hurl away your souls down to everlasting misery and endless wo?" (v.16)
I think I read it over like 10 times. I don't even have it highlighted, which is weird...everything around it is, but this single verse had not been touched. Why it never caught my attention before, I'm not sure.

It's so true...all Satan wants to do is to hurl away our souls to endless misery.
I've done a lot of thinking on this...and just puzzled at why I let myself follow him sometimes.
When I know where his path leads...why do I let myself go there?
Why do I not "shake at the appearance of sin" (2 Ne 4:31)

I really want to rely on God.
Trust Him.
Follow Him.

I just want to do better....