The trial of faith

I think, by far, my most favorite scripture this week is Ether 12:6...

"...faith is things which are hoped for and not seen; wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith".

So what does that exactly mean to me?

I feel like I somewhat understand and see how this relates to my life. I think for a long time, God has "tried" my faith. And I think a lot of times, I have failed Him. I just have this feeling that He is going to keep trying me again and again, over and over just to see if what I want for my future is really what I desperately want,

or sort of half-heartedly want.

Lashing back

I was just reading Ether 7.

Kib, I think, is an amazing man. His own son captures him, his nephew goes against him in a war, and yet there is no record of Kib "lashing back". What does it take to be a person like Kib? I read this little thought I had written in the footnotes by M. Catherine Thomas in her book Spiritual Lightening...

"We are not judged by what others do to us; we are judged by how we react to what they do to us".

I think that's a hard thing to take in. Lots of times people have done hurtful things to me, and I want to lash out-I really do. And sometimes--that happens.

And then I regret it.

And then I feel like I'm to blame.

I think this little quote is good counsel...not that I have to immediately forgive every single person that wrongs me right away...but that I just need to react differently.

Turn to God, instead--first.

I love how her thought continues...

"For how shall we ever learn Christlike love unless we have a chance to practice it in the face of opposition?"

And I think that is what Kib does in Ether 7. Extreme opposition for him...and yet, he doesn't ever 'lash back'. I wonder what his prayers were like at that time...

Indebted

Today I was on my way to work and suddenly started thinking of my mission.

I turned off the radio and started to do my "thinking in circles". I know this is weird, but whenever I can't sleep, and I have the "niggies" like crazy, I close my eyes and start at the MTC and then circle around through all the areas I served in on my mission to Taiwan, ending at the airport coming home. Memories lead from one experience to the next, and pretty soon, I am relaxed and ready to sleep.

Today, I just did it on the way to work because I was feeling so touched and tendered as I started to think of my blessings...and all the blessings that have come into my life because of my mission.

Tonight in my gospel study, I read this phrase...

Those that, "realize and know from whence their blessings come" (Mormon 5:10).

The blessing of my missionary service came straight from the arms of God. I am so grateful,

Indebted.